Where I been…

“Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds”

-Finger Eleven  (One Thing)

—————-

I’m back after a two month layoff.  So where have I been?  What was I up to?  I’ve been to Tokyo, Japan to reset my life a little bit.  I wish it did some more long term good for me but it was more like a time out.  Staying at a friend’s place for 2 weeks was great.

What things I did:

  • Eat
  • Drink
  • Sightseeing
  • Met up with distant coworkers
  • Cat cafe
  • Japanese Sento
  • Maid Cafe

The last three items, i suppose would constitute a true Japanese experience.  Going to a bathhouse and sitting in a tub with Japanese dudes is odd but I suppose i can say I did it?  Right?  Not much to brag about huh?

The maid cafe was even more bizarre as watching other socially awkward japanese guys get shy talking to cute girls in French maid outfits.  Note: one needs to pay to have conversation or play games with the maids.   Me being a cheap ass, I rather just pay for a coffee and just sit there.  Doesn’t sit well with me, paying to have someone talk to me.  I got friends for that…

Anyway it was nice being away from problems but at the same time the problems don’t disappear.  Somehow I still manage to get into an argument with the wife halfway across the world.  Granted we made up while I was out there.  Coming back to my failing marriage, life with out my dad, all the problems left behind in this tragedy.  Not pleasant.

And coming back we still argue once a week.  My wife thinks the problem in our marriage is my mom and constantly blames her for it.  She doesn’t understand why she gets treated poorly.  My problem is my wife’s lack of support and sympathy (instead gives me trouble) during the most difficult time in my life which now leads to this difficult situation where I’m in two different worlds that can’t co-exist.   Being the son in my old family (mom) or being the husband in new family (wife).  I felt my wife was totally selfish and unfair.

IT JUST SUCKS!

Sometimes the worlds collide.  For example, on Thanksgiving, my cousin invited my mom and me over to their house for Thanksgiving dinner.  I told my wife, I prefer she stay home.  And my wife questioned why my mom can’t stay home.  I said its her side of the family and I don’t feel comfortable if they are both there.  More my wife since she has so much hatred towards my mom.   My dream of happy family doesn’t exist.

I wish situations like the above doesn’t happen.  However I can see more of that coming in the future.  The one who really suffers is me.  I do not see any solution to this other then divorce.

“Even though I know
I don’t want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds”

Sometimes in my life, lyrics from certain songs resonate with me.  I wish the above didn’t mean anything to me…

 

 

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